Cowboy Chili...

A young cowboy walks into the town cafe. He sits at the counter and
notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full
bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young
cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind
if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in
his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and sl ides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the
bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and
he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

Next:
The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot

had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word

out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with

profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by

consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and

anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's

vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The

parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and

put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for

over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened

the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms

and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude

language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate

transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and

unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he

was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his

behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Next

For The difficult people in your Life

Next:

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. " Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10, "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of them all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is
in fact not up there."

Next:

The Latest Scam

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on
deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around, do not
do it!

IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked!

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

Next:

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use,

but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company

that we are working for could easily replace us in

a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss

for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more

into work than into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed,

don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Next:==========================================

A Wild Friday Night at Our House Earn Higher Returns Call 843-572-4826

HOW TRUE IT IS

Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
that make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past"

We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother...
all the sizes are too small.

We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay at home at night
and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too damned old!

Earn Higher Returns

The owner of a golf course in Charleston S.C.
was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided
to ask his secretary for some help, math help.
He called her into his office and said, "You went to
college, didn't you, Clemson University, wasn't it?
I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000,
minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those South Carolina women
Next:==========================================

South Carolina Hunters
A group of S.C. friends went deer hunting and
paired off for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point
buck.
"Where Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a
couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter
replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried
the deer
back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I
figured no one is going to steal Henry!
Next:==========================================

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at the
University of South Carolina was overheard saying .. "when the
end of the world comes, I hope to be in S.C."
When asked why, he stated that everything
happens here 20 years later than the rest of the
civilized world.
Next:==========================================

Down in Greenville Beau came running into the
general store and said to his buddy, "Lee Roy, somebody
just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Lee Roy replied, "Did you see who it was?"
Beau answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got
the license number."
Next:==========================================

NEWS FLASH! - Charleston S.C.
South Carolinas' worst air disaster occurred
when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by
two USC students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today
outside of Charleston. The search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb
as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and
copilot survived and
are helping in the recovery efforts.
Next:==========================================

A South Carolina State trooper pulled over a
pickup on I-95. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?

Next:==========================================

THERMO-PANE WINDOWS
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the
contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year
ago and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that
I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast
talking sales guy had told me last year.......that in one year the windows
would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I
haven't heard back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

Next:==========================================

Just wanted to share!

Inspiration For A Hard Day

THREE TREES: Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty." Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull." Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me." After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter," and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship. When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat. Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Please keep this moving...pass it on, so He may inspire more people on the way. May your day be blessed. And until we meet again, may God cradle you in the palm of His hand.

Next:==========================================

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated
Attention
Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall
table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash
can
under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash
first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take
out
the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one
check
left

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where
I
find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke
aside so

that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is
getting
warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it
cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the
counter

catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses
that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to
water
the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water
and

suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for
the
remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I
decide to

put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the
flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the
floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe
up
the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to
do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid,
there
is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't
watered,
there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote,
I
can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car
keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for
it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know,
because

I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
>>>>>.

**Make your work without risk of loss Ph: 843-412-7092

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